I can't say that I have FOUND God. That would imply that I had once lost him and I don't know that would be an accurate description. I think perhaps he knew it wasn't my time, or maybe my God Waiting wasn't beeping when I was on the other line. So he had to go through my son to get to me. I think it is more that he found me?
I mean I was baptized at St, Anthony's and received the Sacrament of Communion, Confession at Queen of Martyrs and I went to a Catholic school for 3 years. It was more because my dad was threatening to kidnap me and in the 70's all you had to do is say you were so & so's parent and the school would release you. So in an effort to protect me - I was uprooted YET again and thrown into the worst three years of my life. Funny thing about Catholic schools are that they actually expect you to go to church. My parents weren't church folk. I wasn't there for a faith based education. I suspect QofM was probably cheaper than hiring a security guard to protect me. So every Monday I got in trouble for not attending on Sunday. I was told to watch sermon's on TV. I was in the third grade - there was no way I was going to do that. In the 4th grade, I got suspended for either forgery or simply refusing to participate in school and perhaps the soap graffiti I lied about leaving on the girls bathroom mirror. Finally in the 6th grade - I was allowed to return to public school and quite frankly never gave church a second thought.
Perhaps the last times I was in a church was for 2 weddings - obviously not my own. I was eventually married; but not under the eyes of God. A Vegas Justice of the Peace did us the honor at City Hall and it was witnessed by a couple from Oklahoma who we had never met. We conversely witnessed theirs too. Til death do us part was failed us though and the quicky Vegas marriage ended in a long, but uncomplicated divorce. If I believe the Gospel of Matthew - I am a doomed adulterer. Just what I need - more Catholic guilt.
From said marriage came a miracle I shall call Gman. As he got a little older; he learned that Christmas was not all about the fat man in a red suit. He started asking questions about God and Jesus. Some I could answer - I wasn't THAT bad of a Catholic. Some I couldn't - so I leaned on my two Facebook friends from High School that had become ministers - my pocket preachers so to speak. I routinely asked him if he wanted a children's bible or wanted to attend Sunday school for his answers. He routinely said NO. Until December. He THEN decided he was ready to go to Sunday School. The thing about this kid - is once he has decided that we need to do something - he is usually right.
His father and I decided that we would support his spiritual path, but didn't want to travel along the Catholic path; so I went online and went church shopping. There was one around the corner and they had a preschool. Upon browsing their website - they had Sunday School. I emailed asking some general questions, I mean we didn't really do Sunday School in the Catholic Church. It was sit next to your parents and try not to fidget too much, The director of the Children's church was amazing and has the patience of a saint. She answered all my questions and invited us to their candlelight Christmas Eve Ceremony.
We went and I am happy to announce that despite there being several lit candles - the church didn't burn down from my attending. Gman wasn't impressed. He fell asleep, but was willing to try the Sunday School class two weeks later. When we did make it to our first Sunday, we were fortunate enough to run into a school-mate's family who showed us the ropes like where to go etc.
So now it is March and we are still going strong. We've missed two weeks because of a family trip and a church camping trip. This started out as me just attending for his sake, but it has become so much more for me. Our pastor is amazing. He is topical and reduced me to tears because I felt like he was speaking to me when he speaks about being lost. I am, but I am trying to find my way.
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